I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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