I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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