They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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