So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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