my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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