Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
