i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
