that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
