I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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