I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
