at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
