When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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