good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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