It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
