Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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