Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
