But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
