you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
