I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
