my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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