Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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