I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
