When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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