worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
