I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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