She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
