toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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