I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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