People in love make me want to vomit
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
