Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
