Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
