You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
