Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
