I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
