So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
