My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
