the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
