I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my vagina is haunted
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
