Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize