hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
