So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
