Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
