I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ok first of all what the fuck
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
