Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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