think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
