please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
