some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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