Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
