escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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