Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
bring money and cleavage
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
