How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
