Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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