It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
