Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
