Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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