sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
