Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
