Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
