You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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