I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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