glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
