We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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