I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
