I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So vagazzling was a success
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
