i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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