So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
