I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
