What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
