So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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