This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize