well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
