i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
