Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
