My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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